On sangria breakfast

I had Sangria for breakfast today. Yes, you read that right.

You are now considering how good of an idea that sounds.

The other half of your brain is now edging in, making you question whether it’s really a good idea, and whether it could possibly have been enjoyable.

It was. It was glorious.

Also, I’M AN ADULT I DO WHAT I WANT*. Also the second half of your brain is stupid. Stick with the first.

I realize that all of the above may make my current situation seem more dire than it actually is. Usually when you are breaking out the alcohol over breakfast, the shit has long since hit the fan and is now being flung at random around the room. I’ll let you enjoy that mental image for a minute.

Oh god, it’s on the drapes.

BUT! Things aren’t quite that bad. Not yet, anyway. Which is not to say that they have been completely peachy, either. I have definitely been trying (and mostly failing) to embrace ambiguity these past couple weeks.

See, I have been grappling with making a few semi-large life decisions, and seem to go back and forth about them on the daily. On days where I think the answer is “yes”, I can’t tell if I actually believe that or if I am just going along with it because it involves maintaining that which is familiar and easy.

Alternatively, on days when the answer so obviously seems to be “no”, I can’t tell if I’m just being a chicken – afraid to step out onto an invisible bridge that may or may not be there, on my quest for the holy grail (and unlike Harrison Ford, I don’t have any sand with which to check).

(Yes. I just dropped an Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade Reference. Wat up. See above*)

Which is why decision making sucks so hard – there’s making decisions, and then there’s the decision of whether or not you’ve made the right decision. Oy.

I know that making tough choices isn’t unique to someone in my position (a 20 something trying to find their way in the social justice sector), or unique to anyone, for that matter. I am well aware that the need to make tough decisions persists as you age. That said, I do think that the decisions hold a certain weight – real or perceived – at this age and point in my life / career path.

Whatever I decide has the potential to pretty drastically alter the course of where things go from here on out. How am I sposda deal with that shit? Man, fuck life. I just want to live on an island, eat bananas and have Sangria breakfast – ya know?

So, this is the part of the post where I drop some big truth or revelation…right? Where I tie up all the loose ends I’ve drawn out? Well, not gonna lie folks – I’ve never been very good with knots and on this one, I’ve got nothing in the way of answers.

I don’t know what the solution is for navigating these big uncertainties. I don’t know how to make them any easier, I don’t know how to know when you’ve made them “correctly” and I don’t know how to stop them from infiltrating the conscience on the daily (Sangria breakfast helped, but I don’t know if that is a sustainable strategy).

If I’ve learned anything from my time in University, however, it’s that sometimes you don’t need answers. Sometimes you just need folks to share and commiserate with. Writing this has already helped me, and hopefully – if you’ve been experiencing something similar – reading it has helped you, too. If any of this is familiar, I’d love to hear from you in the comments.

Ps. Give the Sangria a try…at least once.

Until next time.

Ambiguously yours,

-t

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