Since I am nearing the end of my graduate degree and program, I’ve been considering a lot about what my options are for the future. There is an inherent part of me that wants to plan for my future properly, find a job fast and find a condo or house to buy, and start being an “adult”… whatever that really means (check out Tyler’s post on being an adult while you’re at it). There is also an undeniable feeling of wanderlust, and to leave behind what I have behind me and to simply explore and observe and learn.
So why am I in such a state of wanderlust, and why does it seem like such a beautiful idea and attractive option? Is the familiar becoming boring? Is routine becoming frustrating?
Arguably, these feelings of wanderlust are fed by wanting to simply leave; simply leave my problems behind. Problems that I haven’t found solutions for just yet, problems that still affect me, still bother me, still dictate my action… or in-action.
If I give in to my wanderlust however; if I head to start a new chapter in my life on the other side of my country, or travel abroad to vacation or to do something completely irrelevant to my studies, will my problems actually stay behind? Or will they follow close at hand, stitched tightly to my shadow that has never left my side. Will I learn anything to help solve my problems if I leave my familiar environments? And what of me staying put? This has been my home for 25 years. So many key experiences in my life have happened in this place. Will I have the will to combat and overcome these problems if I choose to stay?
For now I am a scared animal, stuck in the state of decision, between fight and flight. I have confidence that whatever my ultimate decision may be, I will eventually find solutions to my problems and I will grow from the experiences. But right now, I just don’t know, and that’s okay too.