On Ambiguity Defined…Sort of.

So I haven’t written anything in a while. Work has been kind of crazy lately, and has made finding time for these kinds of extracurricular activities a little difficult.

I’ve also been putting more of my spare energy into getting The Storytelling Project back on track – a slow but steady process.

Perhaps most importantly, however, is that I’ve worked it all out.

Answered all the questions.

No more ambiguity.

 

 

Ha! Jokes. You should’ve seen your face just now.

The above is most definitely not true. At least, not entirely. I guess that I’ve temporarily staved off some of the questions I have been grappling with since starting this blog, but I definitely haven’t “solved” anything.

See, it all started back in September, when I moved into a new role at my work place and took on full time hours. In doing so, I also took on full ownership (or close to it) of a few projects.

The result has been a crazier schedule, a more challenging work environment, a stronger sense of “what I’m doing” and a new set of questions and uncertainties to deal with.

I think that the most challenging piece, for me, has been learning to accept myself as a leader. It’s not an easy task. For the last year or so I’ve been working at the same organization, with the same set of people on roughly the same types of initiatives. During this time, I was always given the freedom to pursue said initiatives in my own way, and was trusted in the decisions I was making.

During this time, however, it never really felt like I was the “end” of a process. There was always someone else to give the final “Ok”. Someone else to hit “Send”. Someone else up above me on the ladder of decision making. I think that my natural tendency was also to always see myself as somehow different from everyone else in the office – not as experience, not as “adult”, not as “legit”.

Over the last couple months I’ve been finding myself challenging some of those earlier tendencies. I’ve been finding myself at the top of that decision making ladder more and more. And while it is empowering and exciting, it is also a little nerve-wracking.

What if I mess something up? What if I slip and lose my footing?

Being in this position also means being responsible for revenue in a way that I haven’t necessarily been before. The effects of potential missteps suddenly feel all the more real.

I know that I am capable of doing the role that I’ve been tasked with, and I know that I have the experience to back up that claim. At the same time, however, that confidence doesn’t always come easy. Sometimes I have to fight for it, and sometimes, it’s just not there.

I think I am at an interesting point in my career progression. With every day that passes I get closer and closer to admitting to myself that maybe, just maybe, I’m becoming an “adult” with a “job job” (I’m waiting on business cards to seal the deal). It’s exciting and rewarding and terrifying all at once. I still don’t know where my path is going, or what life will bring when my contract is up in December. But, I am also finding my footing getting stronger and more assured every day, and am learning to spend more time appreciating the journey, and less time worrying about where exactly it is I’m going.

I promise I’ll be better at keeping in touch.

 

Until next time.

Ambiguously yours,

-t

Advertisements
Tagged , , , , , , ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: